tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42785887301112964672024-03-13T22:41:54.567-04:00The Reiber's - Remembering Our Triplet AngelsThis site has been created to honor the memory of our triplet angels born too soon on March 6, 2009 at 20 weeks 0 days.
To Shelby, Megan and Lynne we will always love and miss you.Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.comBlogger152125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-76911707668259801532020-03-06T02:05:00.000-05:002020-03-06T02:05:00.090-05:00Not a day goes bySometimes this time of year feels like we are running away. For the last 10 years we have been going to the cold beaches of Cape May. Honestly it’s so peaceful there this time of year. This year we decided to do something a little different as our trio turns 11 in Heaven. We are in Disney for their birthday celebration and going to Epcot today. There is a flower festival which is supposed to have butterflies everywhere and it just sounds amazing to me. I cannot wait to see what signs I see today to know and see that they are with us always until we are together again someday.<br />
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Autumn is 9 and fully understands the depth of love for her sisters and I’m so grateful for her and the blessings we have at this moment. There is so much dread with going through the loss of a child or children, but when you can see peaks of light in the darkness, eventually more light appears and helps you through. Light comes in many forms, and will show you the way eventually. Dark also does this and kicks you in the ass when you least expect it. But I’ve always found light overcomes it, and I wish this for anyone reading this ❤️🙏.<br />
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Reach out for help if you need it, that can be the start of light. You are never alone.<br />
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Happy 11th bday precious girls, you continue to teach me that love is greater than we can possibly imagine. I miss you so much. I’ll look for your signs today 💗💗💗 and always.<br />
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Love, Mommy xoxoxo<br />
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<br />Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-20644902744985568552019-03-02T21:59:00.000-05:002019-03-02T21:59:01.561-05:003-6-9... 10 years laterWow, 10 years on Wednesday. Never thought I'd say that. Never thought I'd say things in 3's, never thought things would end in trauma or have such incredible life problems. Reality hit me like a ton of bricks in my late 30's and beyond. Still, it's very hard, but able to be embraced. My babies have prepared me for much more than I had realized, that life can be so much harder because I was very naive. You see, not just March is hard, not the days leading up to March 6th, but when I open up from my own bubble I can see so many other days and things that are just a difficult and hard for not just me, but for other people. This may sound vague because it is and has to be for now. Love one another, hold eachother tight, embrace those here and not here, remember every moment on earth now, because its only temporary and I feel there is much more to come eventually. Love, NanNan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-61087288978657199852017-02-28T19:46:00.003-05:002017-02-28T19:46:23.389-05:003-6-09 - 8 years down the roadEverything is in 3's, even their birthday 3-6-09, and Im noticing these things these years more than ever. You could say Im currently on a spiritual journey right now. First and foremost for Autumn, so that I can keep up with her school and learn as she learns. Ive never really had any teaching of what church is all about, not for lack of my mother trying, but more from my anxiety and wanting to be next to her at all times in the younger years! I was always "sick" in the kids class, ahem. My second reason is for my heavenly babies and all the questions I had, why were they too beautiful for earth and not our arms? Although I now understand I may never get that answer until I am in heaven myself. When I read "My Story" on this blog, man, I was soooo angry at God, but I didn't know who else to blame, and I knew nothing, and I mean nothing about church and God. <br />
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As I attend these classes to convert from whatever denomination I am to Catholic, I start to see EVERYTHING in 3's. And its pretty cool. My eyes are being opened to things I thought I never wanted to learn. I am learning to form my own opinion and believe still what I want to believe in, but through the eyes of someone who makes me want to try to be a better person. I wish this could happen overnight, but nothing good ever comes easy. But how cool is that my triplets are soooooo intertwined and I feel they are there with me in so many places as I learn. <br />
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Heading down to the cold beach this weekend as we always do, its become our little annual tradition for their birthday and we are still drawn there. Anyone who would like flowers and extra prayers seaside on Monday 3-6-17 for their babies in Heaven we would love to include you in our prayers, let me know!<br />
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Missing them for 8 years, going on forever. Love, NanNan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-18808957035700282362016-02-29T08:00:00.000-05:002016-02-29T13:38:15.307-05:00The Memory Box<br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Saturday morning, still a little foggy from waking up, I
tell Autumn to get some slippers or socks on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She replies that she has some in her closet and I watch as she opens the
closet and then the dresser drawer that holds a lot of her sissies things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She pulls out the memory box, and asks if it’s for
the sissies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mike kind of tells her no
she cannot go through those things, and then I realize she is curious and has
questions and we quickly rescind the thoughts of not letting her see. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So we all sit together on the floor and
proceed to open the box and explain what is in it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We also went through the drawer which holds
some blankets and hats and presents from special friends we’ve made along this
difficult road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She wanted to hold all
of those keepsakes and keep them out for herself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said someday, when Mommy is ready.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mike then sees the blanket they were wrapped
in, in the sealed plastic bag, and proceeds to open it and tears are flowing
for me and him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Doing this openly with
Autumn seems important to me, because she seems to really understand it and be
sooooo empathic for her age. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not giving
her everything all at once, but just enough to answer her questions and show
her its ok to ask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am still learning
from this as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>7 years this weekend,
sigh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I miss you so much.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">PS...Bree and Andrea, she wanted the ornaments you made us the most <3 font=""></3></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Love, Nan</span></div>
Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-11657771287438079872015-03-02T21:32:00.000-05:002015-03-02T21:32:06.390-05:00The should've, could'vesSix years ago today was the beginning of the end. They were still safely tucked away at this point. We had no way of knowing that losing a mucous plug and back pain was something a nurse, who was told by a doctor, would tell us to stay home for unless "we felt" the need to be seen. Of course, saying it is the beginning of the end is all purely based on my own formed opinion, since I do not have any medical background, but also by having poorly guided medical care...and my trio baby girls were my first pregnancy, let alone being triplets! Five days later, they were born. I have had 6 years of therapy to work this out, and honestly, I've just now gotten to a point where I can say I've almost taken away the "should have could haves". How many things we would have done differently had we known. You still wonder though, but there is nothing you can do now so you have to try to work it out or you will torture your mind forever.<br />
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So to try and make an effort this week to stay positive and busy, we've been working on our local hospital tissue box donations for bereaved parents. Doing good in your children's names and teaching others about them is one of the most healing and rewarding feelings. Letting others know they are not alone is they only way to give back right now for us, but it gives us some purpose.<br />
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<img alt="" class="jm-O-x" height="320" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-W2AHVPn4_b8/VPUbpkA6PHI/AAAAAAACerk/NCpSDNTw9ao/h120/IMG_4890%2B(2).jpg" style="height: 120px; left: 0px; top: 0px; transform: rotate(0deg); width: 90px;" width="240" /><br />
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If you've found this blog because of our tissue donations, welcome, and please click on the links to your right. If you are a long time follower and supporter, thank you, thank you for all you have done to walk and continue to walk this with us. I come here when I need to find peace and sort out my thoughts, which is a bit selfish these days, but everyone is different, everyone's needs are different. My babies have taught me that its ok to do what I need to do for me and for my family. I wish the same for all of you reading as well.<br />
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Love, NanNan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-91694274071512345132015-02-27T20:54:00.000-05:002015-02-27T20:59:58.074-05:00Drawn<br /><br /><br />
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I'm still drawn to coming here, especially now near their birthday. Next Friday will be 6 years. 6 YEARS. It hurts, it still freakin hurts. I just read what I wrote last year and it's the same, the same feelings, and I will even add that it's harder. Harder because every day next week will be the actual days on which everything occurred. That hasn't happened in our grief walk yet. I remember just about every tiny detail from Monday to Friday. So maybe it's going to help to have this place again. Buckle up (if I'm about to exhale). Sigh<br />
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<br />Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-14947480437173094802014-03-03T05:30:00.000-05:002014-03-03T13:09:35.915-05:00Reliving it, again…
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thankful for the distraction of work, but the minute I am
not focused, my thoughts always go back to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This week 5 years ago, I was having back
labor all week and not aware of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For
me, it’s always such a suffocating feeling until I actually get to the day that
I still can’t believe we endured years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Reliving moments and times is just SO HARD, no matter how much therapy I’ve
had, it will never erase what happened, it just helps me cope a little better
each year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We don’t have any huge plans for their 5<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>
birthday other than going to the same spot of a cold seashore town. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being near the sea is comforting, even if it
is freezing cold…that “Heaven meets Earth” look in the sky makes us feel a
little closer to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve also ordered
a custom sweatshirt with their vitals and footprints that I hope to receive by
tomorrow, so hubby and I can wear our together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We will have to get Autumn one someday, for now, her t-shirt from last
year still fits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will try and post
pics of the shore and hopefully any signs we see.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cant wait to leave … sigh.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-17434460752587893632014-02-27T22:33:00.003-05:002014-03-03T13:08:13.536-05:00One week til 5 years<br />
I've been watching the ticker again. Capturing photos of the would be milestones of three little girls prepping for their 5th birthday and wondering how crazy I'd be. Am I ever going to stop doing this? No...even if this blog is gone Ill still make a ticker somewhere or flag myself on some form of media.<br />
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I remember when perseverance was trying to get one foot in front of the other, from bed to bathroom or bed to kitchen..."just go easy on yourself". Ha. Easy. Yeah, nothing to it. I know, I know, this sounds like it's going negative, and honestly it could, very easily. Today I chose not to, because someone might be reading a need a lift, might need to hear that you can survive after losing your babies. Key word, survive. Perseverance (& a patient husband, family and friends) pulled me up about 6 months after losing the girls to start my other blog and my longing to try IVF again for an earth baby, but that is another story. It's interesting to see how many things actually pop out at you in life after loss...and why I bring up "perseverance". At work today they hung artwork, standard corporate stuff, but one I am going to see a lot of is the one with the word persevere on it...never mind the rest of the corporate !%+*¥$!, I just needed that ONE WORD to get me through the day, and may help in many other days. May you see your 'signs' when you need them most, and know you aren't alone.<br />
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Love, Nan<br />
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Edit 2/28/14: Went to work today, saw the sign again...funny thing it actually said "persistence" and not "perseverance"! Crazy what I wanted to see, thought I saw, and actually saw. My mind is beautifully complicated and amazing for showing me the protections I need when these harder times approach. It reminds me to ride the grief waves as graceful as possible, and allow myself to fall if necessary. 💝Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-91216039288533050302014-02-11T15:53:00.000-05:002014-02-11T15:53:22.732-05:00March of Dimes…do or don’t…<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--mE_mJoJqzI/UvqNIdDYbNI/AAAAAAAA5sk/RtDihwn-HDk/s1600/IMG_5945.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--mE_mJoJqzI/UvqNIdDYbNI/AAAAAAAA5sk/RtDihwn-HDk/s1600/IMG_5945.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span class="s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This was the year I was finally going to do it. Walk for the brief lives of my babies and countless others out there. I don’t know why, but something prompted me to do it. So I signed up 6 months in advance, prepped myself on what I would be in for, and plastered it on FB.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">Unfortunately, I found out that pushing myself made me much more vulnerable again, making wounds on my soul again. I started feeling pressure, and putting expectations on things that I had no business counting on. I realized that Mike and I would mostly be alone, walking alone wishing we had more people surrounding us and present</span><span class="s2"> in our real life</span><span class="s2">. But that is not the case, and it’s not fair for me to expect it.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I cancelled it, thankfully way in advance and received a very nice response from the MOD people telling me I wasn’t alone.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">Point here is, don’t rush </span><span class="s2">in</span><span class="s2"> grief</span><span class="s2">, </span><span class="s2">don’t</span><span class="s2"> push on grief</span><span class="s2">.</span><span class="s2"> Even almost 5 years down this road, I have to remind myself of this. I can build myself up, but the fall is hard. The highs are high, and the lows are still ever so low. Don’t rush the </span><span class="s2">grief,</span><span class="s2"> it’s going to be waiting for you no matter what.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">I am in awe of those mommas and dads that are able to get out there and do this and many other things. I have thought of SO MUCH to do, but I just can’t do it. </span><span class="s2">Maybe someday.</span><span class="s2"> </span><span class="s2">Someday. And for now, I'm ok wih that.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">Love, Nan</span></span></div>
Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-91932973808080782652014-02-04T21:51:00.000-05:002014-02-04T21:51:02.121-05:00Screaming Silently<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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She screams silently inside<br />
Pleasing everyone alive<br />
She weeps for little ones above<br />
And now has trouble showing love<br />
The outside shell is now cracked<br />
Anything that seeps in makes her feel attacked<br />
What does she do to make it through<br />
She keeps on hanging on like glue<br />
One foot in front of the other, so they say<br />
But it's never good enough for them to see her make it through the day<br />
The grieving Mom she cannot hide<br />
So she screams silently inside<br />
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~Me<br />
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Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-10744171153009858032014-01-30T06:00:00.000-05:002014-01-30T14:56:55.920-05:00Talking differently about hope
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A gut-wrenching thing like child loss unites grieving Moms
and Dads in a way that is so special and so unique to me, that I can’t even
describe it other than these people are my best friends I’ve never met.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are the first to respond when they see
me post something happy somewhere, or even something sad (with a few
exceptions).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone’s journey in child loss
is different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some things that I believe
for me, or that I am working through, may not work for others, and vice
versa.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But just to have that ear or that
outlet with people who understand is so comforting to me, when no other comfort
is really out there besides cognitive therapy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And maybe, just maybe, you are telling someone something they may
not have thought of, and its helps them through the day, because honestly this is a
highly complicated and horrible deck of cards to be dealt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would like to start sharing a bit of what my last sessions
have been like and what I am able to muddle through this “beautiful mess of a
life” almost 5 years after losing my babies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I want to start blogging again, and I hope this is one of many posts
that I can come write, because I do know it helps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am certainly going to try, and try is all you can do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong><u>Hope.</u></strong><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Hope was a good thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until now,
until it pertains to my trio in Heaven.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The word
hope has been connected to my babies since October 2008 to the present.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anytime anyone has said I will have to “let
it go” or “get over it”, I knew they meant the whole ordeal, and that, my
friends, is UNACCEPTABLE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However,
letting go of hope, as suggested by my therapist, is what I am currently
working on, the word <strong>hope</strong>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would never
let go of this whole ordeal, ever, because that would mean I was letting go of
my babies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the emotion of hope, not
my babies, that keeps me from stepping a few steps forward in the past couple
years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let me explain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have many regrets, and a lot of guilt about
those days that I should have done more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Well, since you can’t turn back time, you have to work on what happened and try to live with it,
which has been difficult to share for many reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One thing I will share finally, is that I was unable
to look at my children after I gave birth to them, even though I held their sweet precious warm bodies thankfully, I could
not look, I could not let go of the hope I had even though I layed there on a hospital bed in shock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My husband took over that job
very humbly and gracefully, and I am forever in awe and grateful to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> For l</span>ooking at them passed away would mean that I
lost hope and that they were gone forever, and did not want to see them gone, because
that would have meant I lost hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have
been hanging on to that hope for over 5 years now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s time to work on letting hope go, because I won’t see them again for
a very long time, and that is a lot of time to hold onto an emotion. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Besides, t</span>hey are with me always in my heart, and I will
never let them go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Love, Nan<o:p></o:p></span><br />
Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-81949677306687928162013-03-05T11:40:00.001-05:002013-03-05T11:40:07.692-05:00The day before...<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Looking at those little footprints makes me go deep in wondrous thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Little would-be four year olds dancing around in our back yard, how different would they look from each other since they were fraternal, would they get along most times and be best friends, how much closer they would be in age to their 5 year old cousin and the fun times they would have had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s so sad to have to wonder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s so sad to have to wait to hope to be reunited with them in Heaven one day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s sad to relive those moments of utter despair when you find out your babies are going to have to be born and not live.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who they hell am I to make that call?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looking back, nothing would have prepared me for that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought I would be handling this much better 4 years later, but the truth is, I still relive this hour by hour, I still feel an empty pit in my stomach where they resided for 5 months, I still am crying on and off at work and trying to let no one notice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>12:30pm 4 years ago today, I was sitting on a table waiting for the “big 3 hour ultrasound” so we could find out how well everything was going and maybe learn the genders of our babies. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then a day later they were gone. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bitter. Bitter. Bitter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once tomorrow comes and goes I will feel lighter, but right now I am heavy and need to embrace the thoughts, the images and the grief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you are going through this as well, I know for certain its ok to feel sad 5, 10, 20, 30, 40 or more years down the road, as they are forever our children. Much love, Nan xoxoxo<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-53695689429384593692013-02-28T20:45:00.000-05:002013-02-28T20:45:00.814-05:00March is hard<div class="yiv918741632MsoNormal" id="yui_3_7_2_1_1362101310687_1941" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1362101310687_1940" style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m failing with my resolution to blog and reconnect here.<span> </span>I guess I come here when I need to, which feels selfish, because so many who have lifted me up I have always supported in return.<span> </span>I still want to do that but it’s not happening so far!<span> </span>The more social media outlets you are on, the more you tend to stray or not spend as much time on I guess.<span> </span>At any rate, March is hard.<span> </span>And I’m feeling the need to write with a heavy heart.<span> </span>The past few birthdays I felt like I had a plan, I shared that plan, I carried out that plan.<span> </span>This year, I have a few things jotted down, but nothing concrete and nothing really new.<span> </span>I feel disorganized and disheveled.<span> </span>We were going to go away to an indoor waterpark so Autumn could have some fun and we could be somewhere warm when it’s cold outside, but we had to cancel that plan.<span> </span>Instead we decided that we will go to the place we have been going every year to be away, down the shore.<span> </span>Somehow it calls us, even when it’s cold.<span> </span>I’m grateful for being able to go there, and grateful I am able to spend it with two of the most awesome and important people in my life, looking for signs from our girls.</span></div>
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<span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1362101310687_1944" style="font-family: Calibri;">On another note, since my last post<var id="yiv918741632yui-ie-cursor"></var> I have been back in therapy and it’s been really helpful.<span> </span>Sometimes you need that other perspective to show you the way you are looking at things and the tools to help you re-direct your thought process to help you cope better.<span> </span>I learned that even though I am trying to live for today and I appreciate every single day, I let a lot of the past into my thought process causing my panic attacks in certain situations.<span> </span>Panic attacks are based on fearing the worst, and my head goes to the absolute worst scenario and fear feeds on it.<span> </span>Sometimes it’s crippling, but most times its “take a pill and function until you have a safe place to be alone and lose it”.<span> </span>I learned that I can see some of the hardest things so so so so clearly and connect the dots like a pro, and other things that are much easier and smaller in comparison, I can’t connect and therefore things blow up from a bread crumb to a loaf.<span> </span>I did not know I was doing that.<span> </span>So that is what I am working on right now, and I’m so glad because I was going nowhere fast.<span> </span>I wish there was a “reset” button on the brain!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would love to hear ideas of what we should do down the shore, feel free to share!<span> </span>My one thought was doing sand angels, depending on the weather. <span> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span></span>Before we leave for the shore we will drop off our K.leenex donations to the hospital and will continue to hope they do not have to be used as much. As I was printing out the labels for the tissue boxes I heard the news of another baby gone to Heaven today. I soooo wish that this did not happen to children, and I will never ever understand it. It breaks my heart and wish there were more ways to stop it. The family will find they have a soft place to fall eventually, but I hate that yet another family has to be welcomed here. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">More to follow from this scattered brain of mine...much love, Nan xoxoxo</span></div>
Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-52718973564104243892012-12-31T08:00:00.000-05:002012-12-31T11:44:45.774-05:00Bye 2012Are you still here? I hope so…<br />
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There is nothing like a good old blog post. I have missed blogging since I found FB this year, where I spew off a quick tiny rant to get something quickly off my chest, or post something adorable on Autumn’s milestones. Still, FB can never replace writing your heart out on here. I am going to make an effort to blog more and connect again with old bloggie friends and continue to make new ones in 2013. If you want to connect with me on FB and haven’t yet, please email me at nancyhaigh@yahoo.com.<br />
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We haven’t been sleeping. Rather, Autumn isn’t sleeping well which in turn makes us not sleep well. I love to get up and see her but sometimes it does take its toll when it’s all night back and forth and you have to work the next day (not bitching!). Autumn has a 2 & ½ year checkup in January so we will address it with the doctor to see if they have suggestions. Still, I’m forever grateful for being the parent of a rainbow and getting the chance to parent a living child. With that comes some enhanced anxiety that I’ve never experienced before. I’ve always had panic attacks, and depression bouts. Now the panic attacks have upped in intensity with new symptoms of vertigo and numbing arms. Once I was able to recognize it, I was able to address it. In 2013, it looks like I will be working on “me” again, with returning to the psychologist and playing with getting a medication suitable to my needs. ‘All I want’ is to be ever present in the moment and be ok for Autumn and my family. Struggling has always been there since losing the girls, it just gets buried deep down when you are busy, and needs to surface more or I cry more. People think you are ok, but in the background you are planning what you will do for their next birthday in Heaven, etc. (Yes, I am doing that)<br />
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I find myself watching a movie with Autumn and crying so hard, half mixed with joy that I am actually watching a movie with her, and the other is that the movie will strike a chord with my loss and the aftermath. I cried watching Tangled…I cried watching Beauty and the Beast…I cried most recently watching Annie, wishing I could reach into that orphanage and adopt a child as easily as Daddy Warbucks could. Avoiding movies isn’t going to happen. I do however, avoid ALL music on the radio unless its kids songs with Autumn in the car.<br />
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Some people might think 4 years is a long time and that I should not be where I am mentally. To those people I say unless you have been in my shoes do not judge. There are many highs and many lows which will be forever. Ask the Mom who lost her daughter 30+ years ago if she does not remember or honor her in some way and weep for them. Ask the sister who lost a baby sister if she does not remember the childhood memory of crying at school 60 years ago and the teacher giving her a hard time about it. You just don’t forget. You don’t forget any loss for that matter. I feel NO PEACE with the thought of a child passing or that my children are in Heaven, except with the thought that they might be with loved ones. I was an absolute wreck for days after hearing about the CT school shooting, horrified for those parents and what is to come for them and their families forever and what those children went through. I will not go into more detail about it, but at one point for my own sanity I had to shut it out, turn it all off because I could not handle the sorrow. I am sure I am not alone in that.<br />
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In 2013 I will continue to heal, continue to fight, and continue to be here. I’m always here. That’s all we can really do when we are still trying to parent children even though they are in Heaven, and if we are lucky, parent a child on Earth too. The perspective of that thought has never been more eye-opening to me than now. I can’t do enough for ALL of my children.<br />
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Much love, and hoping 2013 is a happy or better one for you all.<br />
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Nan<br />
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Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-32684162962606797412012-07-24T22:10:00.001-04:002012-07-24T22:10:09.900-04:003 years post due date<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nXuzbl9sqC4/UA9JMp6HllI/AAAAAAAAmJc/pEsYYNsDWMM/s1600/IMG_20120724_204230.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nXuzbl9sqC4/UA9JMp6HllI/AAAAAAAAmJc/pEsYYNsDWMM/s320/IMG_20120724_204230.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Tonight, after the house settled (sort of!), I managed to make my way out to the babies' garden, water the plants who are starving for water on these hot humid summer days, and reflect. From the picture above you can see when it starts getting dark, we have some solar lights wrapped around the tree, 3 butterflies that light up and change colors and also our original turtle that holds a butterfly that lights up from the early days of the garden making began. There is so much love and significance going on in this little corner of my yard/world, and I am grateful I am able to go out there and think of them, even though it hurts, and it helps, and it makes me miss them more, and it makes me feel their presence. <br />
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I know, regardless of my losing them at 20 weeks, I still stick to the due due of 40 weeks even though a normal triplet pregnancy is not 40 weeks. Its was still the date I was given at the very beginning and I tie it to them forever.<br />
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I had a memory while I was out there tonight. Do you see the picture on my profile? Well that was taken the very night we did our HCG trigger shot that eventually brought us our baby girls. We were at a restaurant because it was my Mom's 70th birthday and me and my sister went into the very lovely ladies room (I know, so idyllic!) and she administered my shot exactly at 7:30. That night was also the night the Phillies won the world series, a present to my Mom no doubt as she is a great fan. Mike and I had an argument on the way home and I can't even remember why, probably medication and hormones from the cycle. So many things went on in just a matter of hours that night. I look at that profile picture and I see a person I don't know alot about anymore. I look at how young she still looked, and how weathered I look now. I see a naive person in that picture, who was on her 2nd IVF cycle praying for a BFP, and when I got it, had no idea about babyloss or that babies died. Naive idiot. A person who kept getting excellent progress reports and couldn't wait to keep growing and growing and wondered how big I would get with 3 babies and a 4'11" body to hold them. It stings, not as harshly, but it still stings and brings the tears.<br />
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No doubt, I am the only one who remembers this date. Im ok with that, where in years past, I wasn't ok with that because it made me feel as though no one cared about my babies and wanted me to move on. I think most people know Im not "moving on" by now, and that this is forever. I am surviving, and I am still standing and persevering. I do not want to hear I should be happy Autumn is here, as that is a given, and she never "replaced" my triplets, she is her own person and things just do not work that way in this situation. These beautiful girls are a part of lives forever, my firstborn children...and Autumn will always have 3 big sisters in Heaven.<br />
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So many more thoughts in my head, but I must sleep. I still haven't dreamt about the girls in a positive way yet, I know someday I will, and I hope someday they are in my dreams, but for now they are forever in my heart.<br />
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Love, Nan xoxoxo<br />
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<em>Shelby, Megan and Lynne,</em><br />
<em>You were, and still are, more wanted and loved by us so much. My dreams for you to be here never end, and my arms will always ache for what could have been. We love you always.</em>Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-12810236640569888342012-06-30T16:31:00.000-04:002012-06-30T16:31:54.307-04:00Yes, it's finally 3333 today<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I guess this won't happen again for 33 years...lord knows I'll know it then too...love you baby girls, these were planted with much love:) xoxoxoNan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-46411566591748985712012-06-22T05:16:00.001-04:002012-06-22T05:16:18.556-04:00More of the same, and then some more...<div class="yiv667393053MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span _yuid="yui_3_1_1_2_134035085731289" style="font-size: small;">A couple posts back I mentioned
I was watching the “ticker” on the side of my screen, waiting for 3y,3m,3w,3d to
show up.<span> </span>Then I realized two Fridays ago it turned 3y,3m,3d since
it wasn’t a full week into the month just yet (make sense?). <span> </span>I
think that’s probably more the reason I was watching so intently, and didn’t
realize it until I saw it! <span> </span>So with that on my mind, I decided to
go buy three arborvitae bushes for the babies’ garden that I am hoping to plant
soon in a new section.<span> </span>I will share pics when I get it
done.</span> It will be nice when we have more privacy to surround the garden and these bushes will help so I am looking forward to it!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">In the meantime, life is still a roller coaster, and you never know
what kind of week or day you are going to have.<span> </span>I think about my
babies all the time.<span> I think about all of you reading all the time. My heart gets full and my heart gets heavy reading. </span>I read stories of others who say its ok to
have a bad day, even if you have a rainbow baby, but sometimes guilt creeps
in.<span> </span>I also read stories of others who say its ok to have a good
day, but again, sometimes the guilt creeps in.<span> </span>The questions “why”
and “what if” always come up randomly in my head. This is just how things are, and its seems like you just move into this constant wave motion of back and forth, atleast for me anyhow. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I stopped seeing my therapist a few months back to see how I would do on my own and try to use the tools she has given me. I have been seeing her since 3 weeks after I lost my girls. After almost 3 years, I had started feeling like I was re-hashing feelings over and over and it was just too much on me and I felt I needed a break. It felt good to recognize that, and it feels good to know I can always go there again if I need the help or need someone unbiased to talk to. I figured I would just try to write and keep connecting with others, and it has helped. </span></div>
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I thank each and every one of you who has read my blog and supports me. I have learned more in 3 years than I think I have learned my entire life. I am changed. I am different. I am rougher around the edges. I can say "no". I have more patience and compassion. I live for today, as you don't know what will happen tomorrow. I love more intensely. Take me or leave me, for all that I am <em>now</em>.</div>
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Love, Nan xoxoxo</div>Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-39012967636994138632012-06-14T07:00:00.000-04:002012-06-14T08:08:40.435-04:00Father's Day 2012Remembering, celebrating, and honoring ALL Fathers this weekend. And if they are in need of a private place to put out their thoughts and feelings, they can visit our Forum, please share. Hugs and Love, Nan xoxoxo<br />
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<center><a href="http://forumforgrievingdads.com/"><img src="http://i221.photobucket.com/albums/dd36/ak_sapphire/Blog%20Elements/FFGD.jpg" /></a><center><br /><a href="http://www.blogger.com/Doc?id=ddtnsmxd_16fz2cq3gs">Grab This Button</a><center><br />
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</center></center></center>Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-67972288341410304702012-06-08T12:30:00.000-04:002012-06-08T13:02:25.930-04:00Bargaining with YourselfI’ve always tried to tell myself, for every one bad blog post, write one good post. Well, I have read back and the bad posts have started to topple over the good, so now it’s time for a more positive post, maybe a few. But this is how grief over losing a child or children ‘seems’ to work. I don’t claim to know the ins and outs of it all, but there is no straight path, no real balance. Sometimes you have to force the balance, you have to force a good day, etc. Today I find myself frustrated, and for not even a real good reason. So I am taking my lunch hour to sort out the thoughts in my head and force a good thought or two out. <br />
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I’ve started to recognize when things are coming to a head (about to burst!) and I can sometimes stop it before I completely blow up. Dare I say, even have a little bit of control. In my last post I said I wanted control. In a way I have it, but not in the sense that I was speaking because I wanted control to have my girls on earth. But to recognize your signs of getting too low and needing to come up for air, is really a feat in my world.<br />
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I’m also learning a few new ways to bring the girls’ memory more into our daily lives, like singing with Autumn at night and including their names, we also like to say goodnight to the “Sissies in the Sky”. I love playing in the garden with Autumn and seeing how much she loves to pick their flowers and give them to me. <br />
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I have lots of pictures of the garden, <a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/109016839546228508099/BabiesGardenMarchAprilMayJune2012#" target="_blank">here is a link if you would like to see them from first blooms to lots of blooms</a>. I will be updating my other blog soon too with pictures of Autumn playing in it, she does love to go over there and I can’t wait to make it bigger! There will definitely be a new section before the end of the summer, I really need to move some extra mulch we bought! <br />
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Praying you all feel a little peace and have a nice weekend. And if I haven’t commented on your blogs for a while, please know I’m not out of your loop, I still read I’m just not always able to comment, especially from my crappy phone!!!<br />
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Love always, Nan xoxoxo<br />
<br />Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-1523484083398125782012-06-05T16:30:00.000-04:002012-06-05T16:30:01.424-04:00The "Ticker"Where I am...3,2,4,2, tick tick tick. Watching that ticker on the side of my blog waiting for it to turn 3,3,3,3. Why? Why am I doing that? If you have lost a child or children, don't ever let anyone tell you you should be over it, or that you should be grateful if you do have any living children. I'm hearing so many insensitive stories of women who have to hear this and other crappy "phrases" that it makes me sick. Those people have no clue if they have not been through it themselves, and I have no trouble these days dropping an unsupportive person on the drop of a dime. If you don't know what to say, there are a ton of online resources on what you can say to a grieving parent, even when they are 3,3,3,3 down the road without their children! Grief changes daily, its all very hard work that was never hard before, struggles beyond control. God, I wanted control. Heck, I want control now. Wish I could write more...but I hope the point is there. Love, Nan xoxoxoNan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-60492273748117150892012-05-24T21:50:00.000-04:002012-05-24T21:50:33.164-04:00Little tugsSitting here printing out labels for our tissue box donations and realized that one of my browsers was open to my blog. Tug. Small sound coming from my computer from the lowered speakers. Tug. My playlist on the very bottom of my blog is playing automatically the long ago created list. Tug. It's the song I used to sing to my very big measured triplet belly before I lost my girls, which happens to be our wedding song. Tug. Now these other songs are playing and I can't help but shed what I think are very much needed tears. Tug. Tug. Thinking about my lunch hour walk the other day and seeing those 3 butterflies on the elementary school building windows. Tug. Tug. Tug. <br />
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I'm realizing that when you have time to stop, slow down and think about things and how your own life has unfolded after a sea of storms, you then realize why you have kept yourself so incessantly busy for days, weeks and months. But I NEED this. I need to write. I need to keep a check on myself, and touching the keyboard keys helps me touch them. Wearing my memorial jewelry helps me touch them. Working in my garden helps me touch them. I need something tangible. Because I miss them and I want to see those sweet would-be 3 year olds running, playing and spinning in circles around me. Never doubt, I am so grateful for my hubby and rainbow, but always missing my sweet trio. Love to the sky and always sweet baby girls...<br />
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<em><strong><u>~I NEED YOU by Leann Rimes~</u></strong></em></div>
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<em>I don't need a lot of things,<br />I can get by with nothing<br />Of all the blessings life can bring,<br />I've always needed something<br />But I've got all I want<br />When it comes to loving you<br />You're my only reason,<br />You're my only truth<br />[chorus]<br />I need you like water<br />Like breath, like rain<br />I need you like mercy<br />From Heaven's gate<br />There's a freedom in your arms<br />That carries me through<br />I need you<br />You're the hope that moves me<br />To courage again<br />You're the love that rescues me<br />When the cold winds rage<br />And it's so amazing<br />'Cause that's just how you are<br />And I can't turn back now<br />'Cause you've brought me too far</em></div>Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-57280552726198300262012-05-15T08:00:00.000-04:002012-05-15T08:44:08.783-04:00Tuesday Link Up and Donations to HospitalsToday is <a href="http://www.teshastreasures.com/" target="_blank">Link Up with Tesha’s Blog Tuesdays</a>! Link up and find or support another grieving parent if you can. It helps so much to know we aren’t alone. <br />
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About two years ago on my girls first birthday in Heaven, I was fumbling around a lot trying to figure out what I wanted to do. One of the things I came up with (I think by suggestion of another BLM but I cannot remember, sorry, it was fuzzy back then!) was donating K.leenex tissues to the local hospital I delivered the babies at. I remember my Mom bringing me some soft tissues because the hospital boxes (although helpful and purposeful) were scratching my face from all of the tears and would only last about all of five minutes. I had a few BLM’s contact me via email or this blog saying thank you for the tissues, and it made me feel good that I could help another grieving parent in a small/big way by letting them know they aren’t alone. We also donated them last year as well, but this year we were down the shore over a longer period of time and didn’t get around to it. I was recently contacted by the hospital (I always leave my contact info if they want to ask for more donations) asking if I was still doing this, and if so they could really use them. My heart sank and sung at the same time reading that email, as I could tell there must have been a surge in losses, but at the same time to know that the nurses were using all of these resources to get more comfort to grieving parents, was just bittersweet. So, I will be getting another lot of tissues over there shortly. I also asked what else they could use and I will share once I hear back in case anyone is interested. But if you are thinking of doing something in honor of your baby or babies, and know if your local hospital is in need of something to comfort another bereaved parent, think about contacting the nurse manager in labor and delivery and they may be able to point you in the right direction. Some hospitals aren’t well equipped to handle this, but with your help in donations and/or awareness, no matter how big or small, you can make a difference. I always put a label with my blog link and forum link on the boxes as well, just in case they see it and can find a place to start. When I first lost my girls, writing on my blog was so comforting, along with finding forums and the help of a psychologist, and it stills helps to this day, even though I am not online as much as I would like to be. I don’t even know how I found my way to the internet after such a horrific raw time, but I am forever grateful.<br />
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May you have a lovely day, full of love and light. Love, Nan xoxoxo<br />
<br />Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-83455665648107422222012-05-08T08:00:00.000-04:002012-05-08T10:15:04.903-04:00Tuesday Link-Up & Random RamblingsFirst I have to thank sweet <a href="http://www.teshastreasures.com/" target="_blank">Tesha</a> for taking the time to put a whole lotta angel baby names out there for BLM’s she has connected with so far. And to post them all and dedicate them all, just amazing! I cried happy tears seeing my sweet girls names. Please link up your blog today with Tesha's if you can!<br />
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Second, I received a beautiful bracelet from <a href="http://livingwithoutsophiaandellie.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Tina</a> and I just want to thank her for her kindness, it meant a lot to me, its gorgeous and I wear it everyday!! And also, everyone else who sends me cards and notes and messages, thank you, they all mean the world to me!! I really don’t know where I would be without all of you. </div>
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Third, some family members “get it”, but it’s very rare anymore to talk out loud about my heavenly babies except to my husband. I almost feel like sometimes people think we are unapproachable or afraid of us! My Mom and my sister have both been through miscarriages, but they don’t think of it the same as I do, that their loss was a child lost too, they think it’s different because I held my babies, but to me, they have every right to grieve as I do, if they want to. It’s been a heavy 3 months. You know that feeling of just a lot of sadness and tiredness. I don’t know what it is, but I hope the feeling passes soon. I know when my mind needs a break from blogging and emailing, etc, and I know with my depression history when it’s time to go on meds. I’m not there yet, but I fear if this doesn’t lift I may have to, which there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, it just makes you feel a little defeated that you can’t snap out of it on your own. Maybe writing this will help me get through it, ya never know!! I plan on doing more gardening in the babies garden this weekend which might be soothing too! It's beautiful!<br />
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Lastly, this week is National Nurses Week. If you have a nurse or nurses in your life, please be sure to say thank you for all you do, even when it’s not national nurses week, it makes them feel good! My sister and SIL are both nurses and I cannot even imagine doing what they do day in and day out. They were both there to help me deliver my triplets, and I know they were distraught, but they somehow kept strong for me (tears).</div>
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Much Love, Nan xoxoxo<br />
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<em><strong>Love you baby girls...</strong></em>Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-69957325819747681642012-05-05T22:44:00.000-04:002012-05-05T22:48:20.583-04:00International Bereaved Mother's Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Thinking of all mommies who have to live on earth while their children play in Heaven, we will reunite one day. This day is for all of us and I will be dedicating my day to my babies, which just happens to fall of the "6th" :) To read more on this day and how it was created, you can <a href="http://stillstandingmag.com/2012/05/international-bereaved-mothers-day/" target="_blank">click here</a>. Much Love, Nan xoxoxoNan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278588730111296467.post-18161253389427263302012-04-24T07:00:00.000-04:002012-04-24T16:14:03.542-04:00Tuesday Link-Up With TeshaHi Everyone,<br />
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Welcome to those of you linking up with <a href="http://www.teshastreasures.com/2012/04/bereaved-mommies-link-up-and-3-months.html" target="_blank"><strong>Tesha’s blog</strong></a> or just finding my blog for the first time. <br />
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I am Nan, and I lost my triplet daughters a little over 3 years ago. If you read the link “Our Story” on the right side on my blog, you will read a very early account of my feelings in very raw grief. Time has softened those rough edges, but there are days when I still need to cry an ugly cry, or just cry all day in spurts and stay in bed, and miss my babies terribly. I have learned that this is forever, and the road can be hard to navigate, but I know someday I will be with my precious girls again.<br />
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It has been very much a roller coaster ride, but through the strength of meeting other Moms who have gone through losing a child or children, I have persevered. I was able to go through one more attempt at IVF and very luckily conceive my rainbow baby Autumn, who is my world. If you want to learn more about Autumn and my struggle to get her here safe, I do have another blog, <a href="http://perseveringtobecomeanearthlymommy.blogspot.com/?zx=aed4a928e9053913" target="_blank"><strong>you can click here to read</strong></a>. <br />
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I appreciate the fact that Tesha linked up to <a href="http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/don-t-ignore-this-week.html" target="_blank"><strong>Infertility Awareness</strong></a> week as well, as I like to bring awareness that not everyone can get pregnant on their own. To have any kind of treatment is very expensive and is not a guaranteed pregnancy. I wrote about it on my short post yesterday if you want to read it, but I have gone through three IVF attempts, which the 1st one we did not get pregnant, the 2nd one brought us our triplet girls in Heaven, and the 3rd one brought us our earthly baby Autumn. These processes can be so daunting, but also so worth it. I know I could not have gone through our 3rd attempt without the love, support and encouragement of my fellow loss mommies and daddies, and I very much love this community of beautiful men and women.<br />
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One more point I wanted to make. I only met Tesha about a week ago, and already I feel an instant connection with her. We met through <a href="http://www.kellyskornerblog.com/2012/04/show-us-your-life-moms-who-have-lost.html" target="_blank"><strong>Kelly’s Korner</strong></a> blog link up, so I firmly believe that these link ups work and bring many of us together to help and support eachother. Please visit <a href="http://www.teshastreasures.com/2012/04/bereaved-mommies-link-up-and-3-months.html" target="_blank"><strong>Tesha’s site</strong></a> if you have not already done so, and send her love and support. She lost her precious Jonathan just 3 short months ago today. Oddly enough, 3 months after I lost my girls, is when I “met” Kelly from Kelly’s Korner, who kindly helped me promote our <a href="http://forumforgrievingdads.com/" target="_blank"><strong>Forum for Grieving Dads</strong></a>. This morning, I looked back at my journey at 3 month posts from <a href="http://forumforgrievingdads.com/" target="_blank"><strong>June 2009</strong></a> and saw so much of myself in Tesha and where she is now. Everyone’s road is different, but we are all in this together. Tesha, I hope the day is gentle on you and I’m thinking of Jonathan with you today on his 3 month angelversary, big hugs.<br />
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May you all have a good day, and feel lifted with support and close to your children in Heaven today and always.<br />
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Much love, Nan xoxoxo<br />
<br />Nan & Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04379229157112328310noreply@blogger.com6