16 years today

 We always honor them & remember them. Decided to try and make a floating biodegradable flower wreath but didn’t quite make it to a great big body of water because of weather so we will try again. But here it was… maybe in a few days we will make three of these as they aren’t very hard to make if you want to try  ❤️❤️❤️ love you sweet girls SML 

Not a day goes by

Sometimes this time of year feels like we are running away. For the last 10 years we have been going to the cold beaches of Cape May. Honestly it’s so peaceful there this time of year. This year we decided to do something a little different as our trio turns 11 in Heaven. We are in Disney for their birthday celebration and going to Epcot today. There is a flower festival which is supposed to have butterflies everywhere and it just sounds amazing to me. I cannot wait to see what signs I see today to know and see that they are with us always until we are together again someday.

Autumn is 9 and fully understands the depth of love for her sisters and I’m so grateful for her and the blessings we have at this moment. There is so much dread with going through the loss of a child or children, but when you can see peaks of light in the darkness, eventually more light appears and helps you through. Light comes in many forms, and will show you the way eventually. Dark also does this and kicks you in the ass when you least expect it. But I’ve always found light overcomes it, and I wish this for anyone reading this ❤️🙏.

Reach out for help if you need it, that can be the start of light. You are never alone.

Happy 11th bday precious girls, you continue to teach me that love is greater than we can possibly imagine. I miss you so much. I’ll look for your signs today 💗💗💗 and always.

Love, Mommy xoxoxo

3-6-9... 10 years later

Wow, 10 years on Wednesday.  Never thought I'd say that.  Never thought I'd say things in 3's, never thought things would end in trauma or have such incredible life problems. Reality hit me like a ton of bricks in my late 30's and beyond.  Still, it's very hard, but able to be embraced. My babies have prepared me for much more than I had realized, that life can be so much harder because I was very naive. You see, not just March is hard, not the days leading up to March 6th, but when I open up from my own bubble I can see so many other days and things that are just a difficult and hard for not just me, but for other people. This may sound vague because it is and has to be for now.  Love one another, hold eachother tight, embrace those here and not here, remember every moment on earth now, because its only temporary and I feel there is much more to come eventually. Love, Nan

3-6-09 - 8 years down the road

Everything is in 3's, even their birthday 3-6-09, and Im noticing these things these years more than ever.  You could say Im currently on a spiritual journey right now. First and foremost for Autumn, so that I can keep up with her school and learn as she learns.  Ive never really had any teaching of what church is all about, not for lack of my mother trying, but more from my anxiety and wanting to be next to her at all times in the younger years!  I was always "sick" in the kids class, ahem. My second reason is for my heavenly babies and all the questions I had, why were they too beautiful for earth and not our arms?  Although I now understand I may never get that answer until I am in heaven myself. When I read "My Story" on this blog, man, I was soooo angry at God, but I didn't know who else to blame, and I knew nothing, and I mean nothing about church and God. 


As I attend these classes to convert from whatever denomination I am to Catholic, I start to see EVERYTHING in 3's.  And its pretty cool.  My eyes are being opened to things I thought I never wanted to learn.  I am learning to form my own opinion and believe still what I want to believe in, but through the eyes of someone who makes me want to try to be a better person.  I wish this could happen overnight, but nothing good ever comes easy. But how cool is that my triplets are soooooo intertwined and I feel they are there with me in so many places as I learn. 


Heading down to the cold beach this weekend as we always do, its become our little annual tradition for their birthday and we are still drawn there.  Anyone who would like flowers and extra prayers seaside on Monday 3-6-17 for their babies in Heaven we would love to include you in our prayers, let me know!


Missing them for 8 years, going on forever. Love, Nan

The Memory Box

Saturday morning, still a little foggy from waking up, I tell Autumn to get some slippers or socks on.  She replies that she has some in her closet and I watch as she opens the closet and then the dresser drawer that holds a lot of her sissies things.  She pulls out the memory box, and asks if it’s for the sissies.  Mike kind of tells her no she cannot go through those things, and then I realize she is curious and has questions and we quickly rescind the thoughts of not letting her see.  So we all sit together on the floor and proceed to open the box and explain what is in it.  We also went through the drawer which holds some blankets and hats and presents from special friends we’ve made along this difficult road.  She wanted to hold all of those keepsakes and keep them out for herself.  I said someday, when Mommy is ready.  Mike then sees the blanket they were wrapped in, in the sealed plastic bag, and proceeds to open it and tears are flowing for me and him.  Doing this openly with Autumn seems important to me, because she seems to really understand it and be sooooo empathic for her age.  Not giving her everything all at once, but just enough to answer her questions and show her its ok to ask.  I am still learning from this as well.  7 years this weekend, sigh.  I miss you so much.

PS...Bree and Andrea, she wanted the ornaments you made us the most <3 font="">

Love, Nan

The should've, could'ves

Six years ago today was the beginning of the end. They were still safely tucked away at this point.  We had no way of knowing that losing a mucous plug and back pain was something a nurse, who was told by a doctor, would tell us to stay home for unless "we felt" the need to be seen.  Of course, saying it is the beginning of the end is all purely based on my own formed opinion, since I do not have any medical background, but also by having poorly guided medical care...and my trio baby girls were my first pregnancy, let alone being triplets!  Five days later, they were born.  I have had 6 years of therapy to work this out, and honestly, I've just now gotten to a point where I can say I've almost taken away the "should have could haves".  How many things we would have done differently had we known.  You still wonder though, but there is nothing you can do now so you have to try to work it out or you will torture your mind forever.






So to try and make an effort this week to stay positive and busy, we've been working on our local hospital tissue box donations for bereaved parents.  Doing good in your children's names and teaching others about them is one of the most healing and rewarding feelings.  Letting others know they are not alone is they only way to give back right now for us, but it gives us some purpose.













If you've found this blog because of our tissue donations, welcome, and please click on the links to your right.  If you are a long time follower and supporter, thank you, thank you for all you have done to walk and continue to walk this with us.  I come here when I need to find peace and sort out my thoughts, which is a bit selfish these days, but everyone is different, everyone's needs are different.  My babies have taught me that its ok to do what I need to do for me and for my family.  I wish the same for all of you reading as well.




Love, Nan

Drawn

I'm still drawn to coming here, especially now near their birthday. Next Friday will be 6 years. 6 YEARS. It hurts, it still freakin hurts. I just read what I wrote last year and it's the same, the same feelings, and I will even add that it's harder. Harder because every day next week will be the actual days on which everything occurred.  That hasn't happened in our grief walk yet.  I remember just about every tiny detail from Monday to Friday. So maybe it's going to help to have this place again. Buckle up (if I'm about to exhale). Sigh

Reliving it, again…

Thankful for the distraction of work, but the minute I am not focused, my thoughts always go back to them.  This week 5 years ago, I was having back labor all week and not aware of it.  For me, it’s always such a suffocating feeling until I actually get to the day that I still can’t believe we endured years ago.  Reliving moments and times is just SO HARD, no matter how much therapy I’ve had, it will never erase what happened, it just helps me cope a little better each year.

We don’t have any huge plans for their 5^th birthday other than going to the same spot of a cold seashore town.  Being near the sea is comforting, even if it is freezing cold…that “Heaven meets Earth” look in the sky makes us feel a little closer to them.  I’ve also ordered a custom sweatshirt with their vitals and footprints that I hope to receive by tomorrow, so hubby and I can wear our together.  We will have to get Autumn one someday, for now, her t-shirt from last year still fits.  I will try and post pics of the shore and hopefully any signs we see.

Cant wait to leave … sigh.

One week til 5 years

I've been watching the ticker again. Capturing photos of the would be milestones of three little girls prepping for their 5th birthday and wondering how crazy I'd be. Am I ever going to stop doing this? No...even if this blog is gone Ill still make a ticker somewhere or flag myself on some form of media.

I remember when perseverance was trying to get one foot in front of the other, from bed to bathroom or bed to kitchen..."just go easy on yourself". Ha. Easy. Yeah, nothing to it. I know, I know, this sounds like it's going negative, and honestly it could, very easily. Today I chose not to, because someone might be reading a need a lift, might need to hear that you can survive after losing your babies. Key word, survive. Perseverance (& a patient husband, family and friends) pulled me up about 6 months after losing the girls to start my other blog and my longing to try IVF again for an earth baby, but that is another story. It's interesting to see how many things actually pop out at you in life after loss...and why I bring up "perseverance". At work today they hung artwork, standard corporate stuff, but one I am going to see a lot of is the one with the word persevere on it...never mind the rest of the corporate !%+*¥$!, I just needed that ONE WORD to get me through the day, and may help in many other days. May you see your 'signs' when you need them most, and know you aren't alone.

Love, Nan


Edit 2/28/14: Went to work today, saw the sign again...funny thing it actually said "persistence" and not "perseverance"! Crazy what I wanted to see, thought I saw, and actually saw.  My mind is beautifully complicated and amazing for showing me the protections I need when these harder times approach. It reminds me to ride the grief waves as graceful as possible, and allow myself to fall if necessary. 💝

March of Dimes…do or don’t…

This was the year I was finally going to do it.  Walk for the brief lives of my babies and countless others out there.  I don’t know why, but something prompted me to do it.  So I signed up 6 months in advance, prepped myself on what I would be in for, and plastered it on FB.

Unfortunately, I found out that pushing myself made me much more vulnerable again, making wounds on my soul again.  I started feeling pressure, and putting expectations on things that I had no business counting on.  I realized that Mike and I would mostly be alone, walking alone wishing we had more people surrounding us and present in our real life.  But that is not the case, and it’s not fair for me to expect it.

I cancelled it, thankfully way in advance and received a very nice response from the MOD people telling me I wasn’t alone.

Point here is, don’t rush in grief, don’t push on grief.  Even almost 5 years down this road, I have to remind myself of this.  I can build myself up, but the fall is hard.  The highs are high, and the lows are still ever so low.  Don’t rush the grief, it’s going to be waiting for you no matter what.

I am in awe of those mommas and dads that are able to get out there and do this and many other things.  I have thought of SO MUCH to do, but I just can’t do it.  Maybe someday.  Someday.  And for now, I'm ok wih that.

Love, Nan

Screaming Silently

She screams silently inside
Pleasing everyone alive
She weeps for little ones above
And now has trouble showing love
The outside shell is now cracked
Anything that seeps in makes her feel attacked
What does she do to make it through
She keeps on hanging on like glue
One foot in front of the other, so they say
But it's never good enough for them to see her make it through the day
The grieving Mom she cannot hide
So she screams silently inside

~Me

Talking differently about hope

A gut-wrenching thing like child loss unites grieving Moms and Dads in a way that is so special and so unique to me, that I can’t even describe it other than these people are my best friends I’ve never met.  They are the first to respond when they see me post something happy somewhere, or even something sad (with a few exceptions).  Everyone’s journey in child loss is different.  Some things that I believe for me, or that I am working through, may not work for others, and vice versa.  But just to have that ear or that outlet with people who understand is so comforting to me, when no other comfort is really out there besides cognitive therapy.  And maybe, just maybe, you are telling someone something they may not have thought of, and its helps them through the day, because honestly this is a highly complicated and horrible deck of cards to be dealt. 

I would like to start sharing a bit of what my last sessions have been like and what I am able to muddle through this “beautiful mess of a life” almost 5 years after losing my babies.  I want to start blogging again, and I hope this is one of many posts that I can come write, because I do know it helps.  I am certainly going to try, and try is all you can do.

Hope.  Hope was a good thing.  Until now, until it pertains to my trio in Heaven.  The word hope has been connected to my babies since October 2008 to the present.  Anytime anyone has said I will have to “let it go” or “get over it”, I knew they meant the whole ordeal, and that, my friends, is UNACCEPTABLE.  However, letting go of hope, as suggested by my therapist, is what I am currently working on, the word hope.  I would never let go of this whole ordeal, ever, because that would mean I was letting go of my babies.  It’s the emotion of hope, not my babies, that keeps me from stepping a few steps forward in the past couple years.  Let me explain.  I have many regrets, and a lot of guilt about those days that I should have done more.  Well, since you can’t turn back time, you have to work on what happened and try to live with it, which has been difficult to share for many reasons.  One thing I will share finally, is that I was unable to look at my children after I gave birth to them, even though I held their sweet precious warm bodies thankfully, I could not look, I could not let go of the hope I had even though I layed there on a hospital bed in shock.  My husband took over that job very humbly and gracefully, and I am forever in awe and grateful to him.  For looking at them passed away would mean that I lost hope and that they were gone forever, and did not want to see them gone, because that would have meant I lost hope.  I have been hanging on to that hope for over 5 years now.  It’s time to work on letting hope go, because I won’t see them again for a very long time, and that is a lot of time to hold onto an emotion.  Besides, they are with me always in my heart, and I will never let them go.

 

Love, Nan

The day before...

Looking at those little footprints makes me go deep in wondrous thought.  Little would-be four year olds dancing around in our back yard, how different would they look from each other since they were fraternal, would they get along most times and be best friends, how much closer they would be in age to their 5 year old cousin and the fun times they would have had.  It’s so sad to have to wonder.  It’s so sad to have to wait to hope to be reunited with them in Heaven one day.  It’s sad to relive those moments of utter despair when you find out your babies are going to have to be born and not live.  Who they hell am I to make that call?  Just sad.  Looking back, nothing would have prepared me for that day.  I thought I would be handling this much better 4 years later, but the truth is, I still relive this hour by hour, I still feel an empty pit in my stomach where they resided for 5 months, I still am crying on and off at work and trying to let no one notice.  12:30pm 4 years ago today, I was sitting on a table waiting for the “big 3 hour ultrasound” so we could find out how well everything was going and maybe learn the genders of our babies.  And then a day later they were gone.  Bitter. Bitter. Bitter.  Once tomorrow comes and goes I will feel lighter, but right now I am heavy and need to embrace the thoughts, the images and the grief.  If you are going through this as well, I know for certain its ok to feel sad 5, 10, 20, 30, 40 or more years down the road, as they are forever our children. Much love, Nan xoxoxo

March is hard

I’m failing with my resolution to blog and reconnect here. I guess I come here when I need to, which feels selfish, because so many who have lifted me up I have always supported in return. I still want to do that but it’s not happening so far!  The more social media outlets you are on, the more you tend to stray or not spend as much time on I guess. At any rate, March is hard. And I’m feeling the need to write with a heavy heart. The past few birthdays I felt like I had a plan, I shared that plan, I carried out that plan. This year, I have a few things jotted down, but nothing concrete and nothing really new. I feel disorganized and disheveled. We were going to go away to an indoor waterpark so Autumn could have some fun and we could be somewhere warm when it’s cold outside, but we had to cancel that plan. Instead we decided that we will go to the place we have been going every year to be away, down the shore. Somehow it calls us, even when it’s cold. I’m grateful for being able to go there, and grateful I am able to spend it with two of the most awesome and important people in my life, looking for signs from our girls.

On another note, since my last post I have been back in therapy and it’s been really helpful. Sometimes you need that other perspective to show you the way you are looking at things and the tools to help you re-direct your thought process to help you cope better. I learned that even though I am trying to live for today and I appreciate every single day, I let a lot of the past into my thought process causing my panic attacks in certain situations. Panic attacks are based on fearing the worst, and my head goes to the absolute worst scenario and fear feeds on it. Sometimes it’s crippling, but most times its “take a pill and function until you have a safe place to be alone and lose it”. I learned that I can see some of the hardest things so so so so clearly and connect the dots like a pro, and other things that are much easier and smaller in comparison, I can’t connect and therefore things blow up from a bread crumb to a loaf. I did not know I was doing that. So that is what I am working on right now, and I’m so glad because I was going nowhere fast. I wish there was a “reset” button on the brain!

I would love to hear ideas of what we should do down the shore, feel free to share! My one thought was doing sand angels, depending on the weather. 

Before we leave for the shore we will drop off our K.leenex donations to the hospital and will continue to hope they do not have to be used as much.  As I was printing out the labels for the tissue boxes I heard the news of another baby gone to Heaven today.  I soooo wish that this did not happen to children, and I will never ever understand it.  It breaks my heart and wish there were more ways to stop it.  The family will find they have a soft place to fall eventually, but I hate that yet another family has to be welcomed here. 

More to follow from this scattered brain of mine...much love, Nan xoxoxo

Bye 2012

Are you still here? I hope so…


There is nothing like a good old blog post. I have missed blogging since I found FB this year, where I spew off a quick tiny rant to get something quickly off my chest, or post something adorable on Autumn’s milestones. Still, FB can never replace writing your heart out on here. I am going to make an effort to blog more and connect again with old bloggie friends and continue to make new ones in 2013. If you want to connect with me on FB and haven’t yet, please email me at nancyhaigh@yahoo.com.

We haven’t been sleeping. Rather, Autumn isn’t sleeping well which in turn makes us not sleep well. I love to get up and see her but sometimes it does take its toll when it’s all night back and forth and you have to work the next day (not bitching!). Autumn has a 2 & ½ year checkup in January so we will address it with the doctor to see if they have suggestions. Still, I’m forever grateful for being the parent of a rainbow and getting the chance to parent a living child. With that comes some enhanced anxiety that I’ve never experienced before. I’ve always had panic attacks, and depression bouts. Now the panic attacks have upped in intensity with new symptoms of vertigo and numbing arms. Once I was able to recognize it, I was able to address it. In 2013, it looks like I will be working on “me” again, with returning to the psychologist and playing with getting a medication suitable to my needs. ‘All I want’ is to be ever present in the moment and be ok for Autumn and my family. Struggling has always been there since losing the girls, it just gets buried deep down when you are busy, and needs to surface more or I cry more. People think you are ok, but in the background you are planning what you will do for their next birthday in Heaven, etc. (Yes, I am doing that)

I find myself watching a movie with Autumn and crying so hard, half mixed with joy that I am actually watching a movie with her, and the other is that the movie will strike a chord with my loss and the aftermath. I cried watching Tangled…I cried watching Beauty and the Beast…I cried most recently watching Annie, wishing I could reach into that orphanage and adopt a child as easily as Daddy Warbucks could. Avoiding movies isn’t going to happen. I do however, avoid ALL music on the radio unless its kids songs with Autumn in the car.

Some people might think 4 years is a long time and that I should not be where I am mentally. To those people I say unless you have been in my shoes do not judge. There are many highs and many lows which will be forever. Ask the Mom who lost her daughter 30+ years ago if she does not remember or honor her in some way and weep for them. Ask the sister who lost a baby sister if she does not remember the childhood memory of crying at school 60 years ago and the teacher giving her a hard time about it. You just don’t forget. You don’t forget any loss for that matter. I feel NO PEACE with the thought of a child passing or that my children are in Heaven, except with the thought that they might be with loved ones. I was an absolute wreck for days after hearing about the CT school shooting, horrified for those parents and what is to come for them and their families forever and what those children went through. I will not go into more detail about it, but at one point for my own sanity I had to shut it out, turn it all off because I could not handle the sorrow. I am sure I am not alone in that.

In 2013 I will continue to heal, continue to fight, and continue to be here. I’m always here. That’s all we can really do when we are still trying to parent children even though they are in Heaven, and if we are lucky, parent a child on Earth too. The perspective of that thought has never been more eye-opening to me than now. I can’t do enough for ALL of my children.

Much love, and hoping 2013 is a happy or better one for you all.

Nan

3 years post due date

Tonight, after the house settled (sort of!), I managed to make my way out to the babies' garden, water the plants who are starving for water on these hot humid summer days, and reflect.  From the picture above you can see when it starts getting dark, we have some solar lights wrapped around the tree, 3 butterflies that light up and change colors and also our original turtle that holds a butterfly that lights up from the early days of the garden making began.  There is so much love and significance going on in this little corner of my yard/world, and I am grateful I am able to go out there and think of them, even though it hurts, and it helps, and it makes me miss them more, and it makes me feel their presence. 

I know, regardless of my losing them at 20 weeks, I still stick to the due due of 40 weeks even though a normal triplet pregnancy is not 40 weeks.  Its was still the date I was given at the very beginning and I tie it to them forever.

I had a memory while I was out there tonight.  Do you see the picture on my profile? Well that was taken the very night we did our HCG trigger shot that eventually brought us our baby girls.  We were at a restaurant because it was my Mom's 70th birthday and me and my sister went into the very lovely ladies room (I know, so idyllic!) and she administered my shot exactly at 7:30.  That night was also the night the Phillies won the world series, a present to my Mom no doubt as she is a great fan.  Mike and I had an argument on the way home and I can't even remember why, probably medication and hormones from the cycle.  So many things went on in just a matter of hours that night.  I look at that profile picture and I see a person I don't know alot about anymore.  I look at how young she still looked, and how weathered I look now.  I see a naive person in that picture, who was on her 2nd IVF cycle praying for a BFP, and when I got it, had no idea about babyloss or that babies died. Naive idiot.  A person who kept getting excellent progress reports and couldn't wait to keep growing and growing and wondered how big I would get with 3 babies and a 4'11" body to hold them.  It stings, not as harshly, but it still stings and brings the tears.

No doubt, I am the only one who remembers this date.  Im ok with that, where in years past, I wasn't ok with that because it made me feel as though no one cared about my babies and wanted me to move on.  I think most people know Im not "moving on" by now, and that this is forever.  I am surviving, and I am still standing and persevering.  I do not want to hear I should be happy Autumn is here, as that is a given, and she never "replaced" my triplets, she is her own person and things just do not work that way in this situation.  These beautiful girls are a part of lives forever, my firstborn children...and Autumn will always have 3 big sisters in Heaven.

So many more thoughts in my head, but I must sleep.  I still haven't dreamt about the girls in a positive way yet, I know someday I will, and I hope someday they are in my dreams, but for now they are forever in my heart.

Love, Nan xoxoxo

Shelby, Megan and Lynne,
You were, and still are, more wanted and loved by us so much.  My dreams for you to be here never end, and my arms will always ache for what could have been.  We love you always.

Yes, it's finally 3333 today

I guess this won't happen again for 33 years...lord knows I'll know it then too...love you baby girls, these were planted with much love:) xoxoxo

More of the same, and then some more...

A couple posts back I mentioned I was watching the “ticker” on the side of my screen, waiting for 3y,3m,3w,3d to show up. Then I realized two Fridays ago it turned 3y,3m,3d since it wasn’t a full week into the month just yet (make sense?). I think that’s probably more the reason I was watching so intently, and didn’t realize it until I saw it! So with that on my mind, I decided to go buy three arborvitae bushes for the babies’ garden that I am hoping to plant soon in a new section. I will share pics when I get it done.  It will be nice when we have more privacy to surround the garden and these bushes will help so I am looking forward to it!

In the meantime, life is still a roller coaster, and you never know what kind of week or day you are going to have. I think about my babies all the time. I think about all of you reading all the time.  My heart gets full and my heart gets heavy reading.  I read stories of others who say its ok to have a bad day, even if you have a rainbow baby, but sometimes guilt creeps in. I also read stories of others who say its ok to have a good day, but again, sometimes the guilt creeps in. The questions “why” and “what if” always come up randomly in my head.  This is just how things are, and its seems like you just move into this constant wave motion of back and forth, atleast for me anyhow. 

I stopped seeing my therapist a few months back to see how I would do on my own and try to use the tools she has given me.  I have been seeing her since 3 weeks after I lost my girls.  After almost 3 years, I had started feeling like I was re-hashing feelings over and over and it was just too much on me and I felt I needed a break.  It felt good to recognize that, and it feels good to know I can always go there again if I need the help or need someone unbiased to talk to.  I figured I would just try to write and keep connecting with others, and it has helped. 

I thank each and every one of you who has read my blog and supports me.  I have learned more in 3 years than I think I have learned my entire life.  I am changed.  I am different.  I am rougher around the edges.  I can say "no".  I have more patience and compassion.  I live for today, as you don't know what will happen tomorrow.  I love more intensely.  Take me or leave me, for all that I am now.

Love, Nan xoxoxo

Father's Day 2012

Remembering, celebrating, and honoring ALL Fathers this weekend.  And if they are in need of a private place to put out their thoughts and feelings, they can visit our Forum, please share.  Hugs and Love, Nan xoxoxo



Grab This Button

Bargaining with Yourself

I’ve always tried to tell myself, for every one bad blog post, write one good post. Well, I have read back and the bad posts have started to topple over the good, so now it’s time for a more positive post, maybe a few. But this is how grief over losing a child or children ‘seems’ to work. I don’t claim to know the ins and outs of it all, but there is no straight path, no real balance. Sometimes you have to force the balance, you have to force a good day, etc. Today I find myself frustrated, and for not even a real good reason. So I am taking my lunch hour to sort out the thoughts in my head and force a good thought or two out.

I’ve started to recognize when things are coming to a head (about to burst!) and I can sometimes stop it before I completely blow up. Dare I say, even have a little bit of control. In my last post I said I wanted control. In a way I have it, but not in the sense that I was speaking because I wanted control to have my girls on earth. But to recognize your signs of getting too low and needing to come up for air, is really a feat in my world.

I’m also learning a few new ways to bring the girls’ memory more into our daily lives, like singing with Autumn at night and including their names, we also like to say goodnight to the “Sissies in the Sky”. I love playing in the garden with Autumn and seeing how much she loves to pick their flowers and give them to me.

I have lots of pictures of the garden, here is a link if you would like to see them from first blooms to lots of blooms. I will be updating my other blog soon too with pictures of Autumn playing in it, she does love to go over there and I can’t wait to make it bigger!  There will definitely be a new section before the end of the summer, I really need to move some extra mulch we bought!

Praying you all feel a little peace and have a nice weekend. And if I haven’t commented on your blogs for a while, please know I’m not out of your loop, I still read I’m just not always able to comment, especially from my crappy phone!!!

Love always, Nan xoxoxo