Tuesday, November 8, 2011


Its official, my train of thought definitely has to be re-trained. While working with my therapist, she finally said to me that the things I say are self-sabotaging, and that I twist good things into bad things. I automatically think things are going to fail, even if they don't. That's a lot of what I've been doing these past 2 plus years, assuming the worst, and reliving the past. It was a big realization to make, one that I've told myself I need to work on and make things better, if not for me, then for my family on earth. I need to try and stop being so bitter about all of the circumstances beyond my control that have happened. How do you do that though? I will let you know if I figure it out. Sad, I never was like this, ever.


  1. Just sending you love and prayers!!! I love you tons!

  2. I just found your blog and need to read more, but what you described is exactly what I realized two days ago I'm doing to myself. Wow.

  3. Massive hug Nan. I think of you and your girls often. You can do this...you can. wishing peace and love your way xxx

  4. Hi sweet friend !

    Hugs to you for working on yourself !
    It takes a lot of courage to do that .A lot of people never do and never open their eyes and look at themselves .
    To have the courage to go to a therapist and talk about yourself and your life is something !
    And I know its a great beginning and I am certain that you WILL figoure things out ( Please tell us when you do , cause sometimes I would like to know those things too ; )

    Its not your fault that the things that have happened have happened in your life , there is nothing you could have done to change it .
    I admire you so much for working on yourself for your own and your familys best .
    I have gone to therapy too after my second loss and I found it hard to do sometimes as you have to face yourself and be honnest and thats not always easy .
    I also thought it would work faster but for it didnt work that fast , it takes time for your mind , fellings and thoughts to change but then when you notice a change one day it so much worth it , you know you CAN change and develop yourself and that is beautiful .
    Sending you love Angie

  5. I know I do this too, I try really hard to be thankful for what I have but that doesn't erase the bitterness I have for what I don't. I spent way too long looking at pictures of a set of bgg triplets today and wondering why not me. No idea why I would do this to myself. Sending a million hugs.

  6. ((hugs)) I don't know how to help, but this is exactly what I've been doing since my first miscarriage and especially since the loss of my triplets. I'm pregnant again for a fifth time, but every step along the way, I've been almost certain that things will go wrong (thankfully I've been wrong so far).

  7. Oh Nan...

    I really understand what you mean. That last sentence: "Sad, I never was like this, ever."

    That's me too. That's not to say that I do not enjoy my life, my kids, and that I am not thankful for the things that I should be, but I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

    When you figure out the recipe to stop that train, let me know, will ya?


  8. My beautiful, beautiful Nan. I love you so much. I just read your post after I posted something just like this. I'm so right here with you. Please call if you want to talk. I love you, my friend.