Warning...living child mentioned, and in picture link as well....
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Here is the link to the pictures we took over the weekend and on their birthday. CLICK HERE if you wish to see.
What was different this year than years prior, is that I was 'fine', until their actual Birthday day came, and I was a crying mess most of the day. I felt like I was re-living the hours again, and I remember EVERYTHING like it was yesterday, almost minute for minute. I don't have to write down a thing, not even a minor detail ever seems to fade away. Years prior, it was all of those days leading up that were hard and then the actual day was peaceful. Complete opposite! This road never seems to take the same path, so I figure I would write it down to remember that when I ask myself 'WTF' next year! I wonder what Autumn will say when she is old enough to understand that I'm crying, I hope I can keep it together for her and keep making more beautiful peaceful memories each year for her big sisters. Anyway, just wanted to share. Thank you for all of your thoughts, prayers, love and support...always, I will always remember how everyone helps lift me up, and I can only hope I do the same for you all.
Love, Nan xxxooo
I remember
2 days ago
This scares me. Because today, I actually thought I am looking forward to her birthday- a whole day just to focus on and celebrate her. But, now I am nervous. Maybe I haven't prepared myself with how tough it actually will be. Huge hugs. Thought of Megan, Lynne, and SHelby all week long. xo
ReplyDeleteIm so sorry this scared you..remember that all our paths are different and that you might actually have a good day on Ella's birthday. One factor that may have made mine so difficult is that Mike was having a hard time on those days before their birthday, so maybe it was the ying/yang thing we usually have going on...watch for signs from hubby. I wish I had more time to write as there is so much more to share about these experiences, but thats all I canthink of at the moment...please know my intent was not to scare! Much love, Nan
DeleteI was okay until a few days before Isaiah's birthday. On his birthday, I lived every moment over again..... minute for minute, just as you did with the girls. It was so painful.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are doing better today. I viewed your pictures, and they turned out so so beautiful Nan...... Autumn is precious. :O)
Carleigh's bday is the end of this month and so far I've been ok. I think mostly b/c things have been so busy I honestly haven't had time to think about it much. Not sure it that's good or bad!
ReplyDeleteLove how you went to the beach. I'd love to go to a beach for Carleigh's bday!
love the way you remembered your sweet girls on their birthday. Thinking of you & your darlings, Shelby, Megan, & Lynne. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI love the photo of their urn in the sand. The pictures at the beach are beautiful. ((HUGS))
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