Reliving it, again…

Thankful for the distraction of work, but the minute I am not focused, my thoughts always go back to them.  This week 5 years ago, I was having back labor all week and not aware of it.  For me, it’s always such a suffocating feeling until I actually get to the day that I still can’t believe we endured years ago.  Reliving moments and times is just SO HARD, no matter how much therapy I’ve had, it will never erase what happened, it just helps me cope a little better each year.

We don’t have any huge plans for their 5^th birthday other than going to the same spot of a cold seashore town.  Being near the sea is comforting, even if it is freezing cold…that “Heaven meets Earth” look in the sky makes us feel a little closer to them.  I’ve also ordered a custom sweatshirt with their vitals and footprints that I hope to receive by tomorrow, so hubby and I can wear our together.  We will have to get Autumn one someday, for now, her t-shirt from last year still fits.  I will try and post pics of the shore and hopefully any signs we see.

Cant wait to leave … sigh.