Monday, March 3, 2014

Reliving it, again…

Thankful for the distraction of work, but the minute I am not focused, my thoughts always go back to them.  This week 5 years ago, I was having back labor all week and not aware of it.  For me, it’s always such a suffocating feeling until I actually get to the day that I still can’t believe we endured years ago.  Reliving moments and times is just SO HARD, no matter how much therapy I’ve had, it will never erase what happened, it just helps me cope a little better each year.

We don’t have any huge plans for their 5th birthday other than going to the same spot of a cold seashore town.  Being near the sea is comforting, even if it is freezing cold…that “Heaven meets Earth” look in the sky makes us feel a little closer to them.  I’ve also ordered a custom sweatshirt with their vitals and footprints that I hope to receive by tomorrow, so hubby and I can wear our together.  We will have to get Autumn one someday, for now, her t-shirt from last year still fits.  I will try and post pics of the shore and hopefully any signs we see.

Cant wait to leave … sigh.


  1. Remembering Shelby, Megan and Lynne ... Love you friend. <3

  2. I feel your pain Nancy. This is so tough. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. You guys are such a beautiful family and have become such good friends of ours all b/c of our little ones. Please let us know what we can do for you. Need a break this week? I can take Autumn any day after school or if you and her want to come by for dinner Wed or Thurs lmk. XOXOXO

    1. Thank you sweet friend! Fortunate to have found you all, you are a beautiful family as well as great friends. I need to snuggle my Autumn this week and I know you are busy planning a party so dont you worry :) much love and hope to see you soon xoxoxoxo