Been A While

I hope everyone got through the Holidays ok, I know they were especially rough over here. When your plans of having three red dresses with three red bows and three pairs of white leggings and three pairs of black patent leather shoes are completely crushed, and in their place are three empty stockings and memorial jewelry/stuff, one can't entirely say that they had a wonderful Xmas. I know almost all of you following here know the feeling, and I am so sorry. I am so sorry we have to endure life without our children and have to try to pick up the pieces of our broken hearts. I had many break-downs, but ultimately pulled it together as I always do.

But, I did not come here to update the blog with negativity, I wanted to share some pictures and just express that if you were/are depressed over the Holidays, that you are definitely not alone. I had received some lovely ornaments and gifts from friends and family I want to share. As always, you can follow my picture link on the right side of the page if you want to see more pictures!

The following pictures are of the girls' ornaments on the tree. Mike picked out the initials, the butterflies are from my SIL Cheri, and the soft white angel wings are from Andrea. Thank you everyone, they made a perfect addition to our tree and will continue to do so every year! And everyone who saw them loved them. Love to you all xo

We decided to hang the girls' stockings with ours, and every year we will add something new to them, such as charms or another felt cutout like the ones of the pink butterflies in the pictures.

This is a picture of the weekend before Xmas, we had a 20 inch snowstorm and the snow was accumulating on our window, and you can sort-of see the girls' tree in the background.

I received this beautiful crystal heart engraved with a beautiful poem which includes our baby girls' names engraved in it from sweet Shandrea. I cannot believe that she did such a sweet, special and personal thing for us, and hubby loved it too. Shandrea, you already know how I feel, and I just want to keep letting you know how much I appreciate you. One can only learn from your grace. Love to you xo

I received two necklaces I wish I could wear all of them all of the time! The three angel wings are from Deni, and they arrived on Xmas Eve and put a great smile on my face. I wore it with pride and played with the wings the entire night. The other necklace is from our neighbor Gorna, who told me when she saw this necklace it called out to her saying "this is Nan". I thank you both from the bottom of my heart. Nothing makes me happier than to see my angels remembered, and I can wear something that honors them. Love to you both xo

These are a few things I received from Mike and my stepson. The butterflies with the girls' names on them are decals that will go on my car window. I love this idea! Mike and I saw these sunglasses and he picked them up and put them in my stocking :) Then there is a bracelet with butterflies that wrap around my entire wrist. I also received a ring with matching earrings that I bawled my eyes out when I received them. So beautiful.

To my hubby, I love that you honor our girls and will never forget them with me. I can't measure in words how much that means to me. I love you. xo

To my baby girls, I wish I didn't have such a hard time and I wish I was able to be more positive over the Holidays, but I was and I am missing you terribly. As tears flow writing this, I promise I will honor your lives forever and will always remain your loving Mommy. I know in my heart that I will hold you in Heaven someday. I miss you and I love you. xoxoxo

Love, Nan xo