Mommy Never Forgets You

Dear Baby Girls,

A year ago today, the three of you were due. Certain dates still stick out in my mind and I suppose they always will, which I am grateful for because I never want you far from my thoughts. I will be planting a new flower in your garden tomorrow (as today was just way too hot out there), its orange milkweed and I hope to attract more butterflies!

Goodnight and sweet heavenly dreams, love you always, Mommy xxxooo

Prayers for Deni

Please send my sweet friend Deni lots of support, prayers and love. Their long awaited adoption did not go through as planned and I am so saddened by this outcome. They put so much time, love, emotion and effort into this, and to have it fail is heartbreaking. So you can just imagine the heartache and disappointment making it very much another loss. Please visit her and thanks for all the support.

Love, Nan xxx

16 Months

Dear Shelby, Megan and Lynne,

As another "6th of the month" rolls around, I cannot help but think of where you would be today if you were on earth. You would definitely be walking by now and we'd be chasing you around like crazy making sure our house was super duper child proof so we could keep 50 eyes on you at all times. I love the thought of you all dressed up in three pink dresses running under the sprinklers, or three pink bathing suits on a huge float in the pool, with your daddy taking a massive amount of pictures of the fun you are having. I can only hope it's like that for you up in the clouds.

As we prepare for your baby sister to come this week, I think of you even more, if that is possible. The nursery has a special mural which includes you, me, Daddy, your big brother, your little sister and all of your angel friends in Heaven and on earth. No matter what, you are always going to be in our lives forever and you will always be included in everything we do.

We love you always, Mommy and Daddy. xxx

Above is a picture of the mural in our nursery, it is near completion with a few finishing touches needed. The three eggs in the nest represent Shelby, Megan and Lynne. Ironically, their real tree in the garden has a nest that looks exactly like that that we have pictures of, no eggs though. The seven flowers represent Mike, me, Shelby, Megan, Lynne, my stepson and our daughter on the way. The leaves on the tree represent all of the girls' angel friends in Heaven and their rainbow friends on earth.

Love, Nan xxx

Remembering Tristen Ryan

Please please please, send my dear friend Shandrea all your love, support and prayers. I'm just heartbroken.

Prayers for those who are struggling

You've struggled with your loss or losses and the raw gut wrenching emotion it brings

You've struggled with not having your child or children with you everyday on earth

You've struggled with seeing other women pregnant and/or going (or not) to their baby showers

You've struggled being around infants or toddlers as sometimes they remind you of what you are missing

You've struggled with trying to get pregnant naturally or go through IF treatments or go through adoption

You've struggled (if you've gotten pregnant or are adopting now) with wondering if your earthly baby or babies are going to make it or if you will have more angels in Heaven or a failed adoption

You've struggled with guilt and all of the phases of grief over and over and over again

You know this is going to effect you for the rest of your life and will always be on your heart and mind

Etc...Etc...Etc...the list goes on and on

So why should anyone have to struggle through trying to make it again to be earthly parents no matter what the route? Why can't things just be ok? Why can't there be a guarantee, like on a box of brake pads? I'm sorry but my heart is very heavy today and I have to ask God why anymore. I am not super religious but I have my own beliefs. Call me selfish, but I want my friends to be ok and to have their babies on earth, just like I want mine too. So I will cling to hope and pray and ask that you also pray for not just my friends, but for all of us in this community going through every struggle we know all too well. Maybe the key is that we all keep bonding together to form a super alliance...wouldn't super powers be nice right now.

Love, Nan xxx