Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Twisted

Its official, my train of thought definitely has to be re-trained. While working with my therapist, she finally said to me that the things I say are self-sabotaging, and that I twist good things into bad things. I automatically think things are going to fail, even if they don't. That's a lot of what I've been doing these past 2 plus years, assuming the worst, and reliving the past. It was a big realization to make, one that I've told myself I need to work on and make things better, if not for me, then for my family on earth. I need to try and stop being so bitter about all of the circumstances beyond my control that have happened. How do you do that though? I will let you know if I figure it out. Sad, I never was like this, ever.

8 comments:

  1. Just sending you love and prayers!!! I love you tons!

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  2. I just found your blog and need to read more, but what you described is exactly what I realized two days ago I'm doing to myself. Wow.

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  3. Massive hug Nan. I think of you and your girls often. You can do this...you can. wishing peace and love your way xxx

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  4. Hi sweet friend !

    Hugs to you for working on yourself !
    It takes a lot of courage to do that .A lot of people never do and never open their eyes and look at themselves .
    To have the courage to go to a therapist and talk about yourself and your life is something !
    And I know its a great beginning and I am certain that you WILL figoure things out ( Please tell us when you do , cause sometimes I would like to know those things too ; )

    Its not your fault that the things that have happened have happened in your life , there is nothing you could have done to change it .
    I admire you so much for working on yourself for your own and your familys best .
    I have gone to therapy too after my second loss and I found it hard to do sometimes as you have to face yourself and be honnest and thats not always easy .
    I also thought it would work faster but for it didnt work that fast , it takes time for your mind , fellings and thoughts to change but then when you notice a change one day it so much worth it , you know you CAN change and develop yourself and that is beautiful .
    Sending you love Angie

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  5. I know I do this too, I try really hard to be thankful for what I have but that doesn't erase the bitterness I have for what I don't. I spent way too long looking at pictures of a set of bgg triplets today and wondering why not me. No idea why I would do this to myself. Sending a million hugs.

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  6. ((hugs)) I don't know how to help, but this is exactly what I've been doing since my first miscarriage and especially since the loss of my triplets. I'm pregnant again for a fifth time, but every step along the way, I've been almost certain that things will go wrong (thankfully I've been wrong so far).

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  7. Oh Nan...

    I really understand what you mean. That last sentence: "Sad, I never was like this, ever."

    That's me too. That's not to say that I do not enjoy my life, my kids, and that I am not thankful for the things that I should be, but I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

    When you figure out the recipe to stop that train, let me know, will ya?

    ((hugs))

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  8. My beautiful, beautiful Nan. I love you so much. I just read your post after I posted something just like this. I'm so right here with you. Please call if you want to talk. I love you, my friend.

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