Thursday, April 30, 2009


I have had the last 8 weeks to focus on our loss and think about the girls. I have to return to work tomorrow and Im feeling alot of anxiety right now. I don't want to take my focus off of our angels for a second. Would I be feeling this same way if the girls were here and not in heaven? Probably so. But it almost feels like work will get in the way. I guess I have to just hold my breath and do it, but I know my mind will not be there, it will be staring out the window. Maybe eventually I will find the balance, but in my head and my heart, the scale is tipping with the longing to have my babies here and still make sense of it all. When do you know you are finally "ok"? When does the hurt stop? How do you get your mind to focus? I want to be able to walk in the nursery and look through our mementos if I need to during the day. I want to keep working in the garden and feel the sunshine all day. I want to be able to sit and cry all by myself if I need to. Work is getting in the way. I have seen alot of suggestions for remembering the babies, and one of them is getting a customized piece of jewely so you can wear it and feel like your angels are with you. Perhaps I need to look into this more. Wish me luck. Love, Nan

1 comment:

  1. Hi There,
    I just saw that you started following my blog. It looks like we unfortunately have a lot in common with the loss of our babies so recently. As you may have read, I lost my first of four on 1/31/09 and the other three on 2/23/09. They were 22 weeks old, and just a little too young to make it on their own. We are probably experiencing a lot of the same pain now. I struggle at some point every day getting back to life and doing what I have to do. Work is difficult, and it's been really hard for me to get motivated. I'm so sorry you are going though this too. I'm sure our babies have met in heaven and are playing together now.

    If you ever want to talk, I am here for you. On my blog, there is a contact us button, and that goes to my personal email, so feel free to email me.

    I hope today is a good day for you.

    Lauren Green