Nervous

I have had the last 8 weeks to focus on our loss and think about the girls. I have to return to work tomorrow and Im feeling alot of anxiety right now. I don't want to take my focus off of our angels for a second. Would I be feeling this same way if the girls were here and not in heaven? Probably so. But it almost feels like work will get in the way. I guess I have to just hold my breath and do it, but I know my mind will not be there, it will be staring out the window. Maybe eventually I will find the balance, but in my head and my heart, the scale is tipping with the longing to have my babies here and still make sense of it all. When do you know you are finally "ok"? When does the hurt stop? How do you get your mind to focus? I want to be able to walk in the nursery and look through our mementos if I need to during the day. I want to keep working in the garden and feel the sunshine all day. I want to be able to sit and cry all by myself if I need to. Work is getting in the way. I have seen alot of suggestions for remembering the babies, and one of them is getting a customized piece of jewely so you can wear it and feel like your angels are with you. Perhaps I need to look into this more. Wish me luck. Love, Nan