Monday, July 6, 2009

4 month angelversary

Will I ever stop counting these dates in my head? Four months already have passed and it makes me think, 'was I even close to having babies that would have lived?'. Four months ago I was 20 weeks *sigh*. Four months ago I was happy, until labor started. Four months ago we were getting excited to find our the genders of our precious angels. When do the thoughts stop? I suppose never.

Also, EDD of a forty week term is coming on July 24th, one I would have never made even with a successful pregnancy, but it sticks in our heads like glue.

I know alot of you are going through what I am, and I understand your pain and am sorry you have to feel this hurt. I pray for all of our hearts to be a little less heavy someday. I want to get to the point of integrating our babies lives into our everyday life without the sadness of it all. I want to feel happy when I think of them. For the most part I do, but not always. Keep doing things to remember your angels and writing your thoughts down so they do not get stuck in your head all day.

Love you baby girls, forever your Mommy xo


  1. Oh Nan, I feel your pain. We are 8 months out today. I keep thinking of all the things he would be doing... sitting up, maybe crawling, eating some "people food"..... It's all so hard. All I can say is that the pain does get a little more manageable, a little more bearable and you will feel "good" about remembering your babies and honoring them in ways that are special to you and your family.

    Thinking of you

  2. Oh- I am so thinking of you and knowing that horrible first year- the anticipation of anniversaries... the wondering if the pain would stop- the tears would stop- but if someone told me I'd feel better 'in time' I HATED that- because I didn't want to feel better- not really! I never tell people that they will feel better in 'time'- instead I tell them that time gave me pause- gave me ways to remember my angel with more smiles and less tears- to ponder on what could have been- but to be thankful on what was- that I had him for as long as I did- his heartbeat keeping time with mine-
    Your hurt won't really be 'less' but it will change- and your girls and their amazing story of love will help you on this journey!
    Hugs to you-
    Check this out if you're interested... I wrote about it...
    Hopefully this link works- if not go to my 'moment of pause' blog and find the post that is titled "My Tears"-
    Wishing you much peace!

  3. ok- for some reason I can't get your post out of my mind- so I'm back- went through my blog and found something else that is similar to the post I shared before- but perhaps written a little bit better... About that- When do the thoughts stop? Kinda thing- Check this out too if you're interested in some more reading- if you can't click on the link- just go to my blog and look for the post titled, "For Sarah"-
    (obviously) thinking of you lots!