Their Tree

She is beautiful, and I refer to the tree as a "she" because she is graceful, pretty and her branches lean over almost protecting the earth around her. Protecting my angels. She is getting ready to winterize herself as the leaves are slightly turning colors. Protecting herself from the cold of Fall and Winter to come. Sound familiar to anyone? It is us, the babylost Mom world that I never knew about, and now know all too well. This garden has taught me many things, most of all patience. Earlier this Summer I was afraid of anticipating the tree losing her leaves. Now I look at it as a form of protection and it brings me to a better place, easier to "see".

On a separate note, why is it still so hard to hear of others' joy for their pregancies IRL? I want to run and hide whenever I hear anything related to baby clothes, birthing stories or even see newborns? Such a crappy feeling. Guess I am getting ready to shed my own leaves and protect myself too.

Hugs to all, Nan xo

For once, all is quiet

I think today I finally exhaled. Has anyone else felt like they have been holding their breath for months on end? It was so peaceful and the weather was so comfortable I actually took a nap this afternoon, first one in months. Not much to update except my sis in law is doing well after surgery, I knew angels were watching over her keeping her safe :) And the picture of the rose above is a present from my Mom for our Anniversary, so pretty, I planted it in the girls' garden! I took some garden pics, did some pruning, feel free to see them here.

Hope you all find a day where you can exhale too, even for a little while. Love, Nan xo

Friendship Award!

Lea at Nicholas' Touch has passed on a very special Friend Award to me. I am honored to accept such a sweet gesture, thank you Lea! You have done so much for me and helped me get by on good and bad days, and I don't know how to repay you! Hugs!!

This award is bestowed on to blogs that are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to six bloggers who must choose six more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.

OK, so six bloggers is really hard to choose, but it's the rules I suppose. Just know that all of you that visit, read and comment here are in my heart forever, and I wouldn't be where I am without your support. Love, Nan

Bree at My Baby Butterfly Ella

Christy at Almost a Mother

Steph at The New Normal

Kerry at Making Coyne

Tina at Living Without Sophia and Ellie

Deb at For Your Tears

Back from the Bay

Had a really nice time with hubby and the dogs down the shore. I must admit, this writing names in the sand is serious business (LOL), it is ALOT harder than it appears! I had my footprints in every picture and just when I was getting ready to take a pic the bay would wash it away and I would miss it and write them over again. So I will not be quitting my day job. I give Carly ALOT of credit!

We went shopping for a bit on Saturday and I saw signs of my girls everywhere we went. I had been to all of these shops before and never noticed how many butterfly gadgets there were to purchase. We could have gone bankrupt! We did buy a few things and I finally found the perfect flag holder for my "Look for the small miracles" flag (in pic link at the bottom)! Below is also one of the "signs" I got, the stone has three butterflies and a lovely saying for their garden (had to get it). I hold this near and dear to my heart.

Other than that, it is good to be home, and now we are gearing up to help my sis in law and brother and family get ready for her surgery tomorrow.

If you would like to see pics from our weekend and more of our garden, click here and here.

Love, Nan xo

Last weekend

Who is driving this truck? Well, they aren't driving, but they are hanging out staying out of trouble (sort of)! It's two of our pups and our friends pup also, I love this pic. We decided to go camping last weekend and had a pretty good time, besides sleeping on the hard ground and waking up stiff as a board!

I was really bummed out on Sunday though, as it was our girls' 6 month angelversary and I had done nothing like I have been doing every 6th of each month. There was really nothing I could do up there, except keep them on my mind and have them in my heart, as always. A wonderful dear friend told me that "I do something for them every minute of every day...that I LOVE THEM and that is all I need to do, and to remember, I take them every where I go, in my heart they forever will be". I did see a few butterflies flying around the wildflowers which was soothing.

So this upcoming weekend, I think we are heading down the shore and maybe I can try my luck at writing their names in the sands of Cape May, New Jersey's Delaware Bay side. It is a lovely place where the ferries come by and the dolphins swim without a care in the world. If I can't do that, I plan on finding something, and I know something will catch my eye, I just know it. Mike and I will be celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary so we intend on having a nice relaxing time down there and just being together doing whatever our hearts desire.

Wishing everyone well today and always.

Love, Nan xo

OK, I'm Not The Only One

There is alot of confusion around here. My Lilacs want to bloom again. The babies' cherry tree wanted to bloom again too a few weeks ago...I love it! This means I am not the only confused and scattered one around here! It is pretty though!

Had a better day today, thanks for any and all prayers said on my behalf :) Going to get away to somewhere this weekend so I hope everyone enjoys the holiday weekend. Here are some garden pics. Stay safe. Love Nan xoxo

Mixed Bag of Emotions

Monday, grumpy.

Tuesday, happy.

Wednesday, so-so.

Thursday, angry and sad.

I feel like I have a full menu of emotions for the week. Hmmm...what should I make with dinner tonight hon? A side of happy or a side of pissed off? What is up? Why do I feel so on and off and hot and cold? All I can think that it might be is that 6 months is coming up....6 months. Is that it? Am I preparing to protect myself from it? Why anyone has to live like this when things were just FINE before, is beyond me. I also have many bereaved parents on my radar, I know their sadness can weigh heavy on the mind as well. So so sad. I pray for tomorrow to be a good day.

Honest Scrap

I have been nominated for the honest scrap award by Christy, Steph and Bree, thank you girls, I feel very loved! There are some rules to accept this award. You must pass the award on to 7 other bloggers and then list 10 honest and hopefully interesting things about yourself.


1) I have watched every single season of the show Survivor. I do not remember all of them, but I get really into it. Why?!

2) I was born with six toes on my left foot, it was an extra big toe. I have five toes now, but the shape is a little “off” and there is a scar, due to the removal of it at 8 months old in 1975.

3) I have lived outside of Philly all of my life, except when I had an opportunity to move away for a few years to Reno, NV and then central Florida. I missed my family too much so I live outside of Philly again.

4) Hubby and I met online in 2000, and the rest was history! We grew up in the same area, hung out at all of the same places, but never crossed paths until matchmaker.com hooked us up. He jokes and says he paid $9.99 for me cause he had to subscribe to get my message to him…LOL.

5) I really don’t write out every feeling I have on this site, I hold back alot because this is my angels’ site, and its where I want to honor them. My new blog will have a whole other tone, you’ll see….soon.

6) I think I snore. Ill never know. I don’t want to know!

7) I am scared as hell to TTC again, but I know I want to try.

8) PMS has been way worse after our loss, I’ve never felt as bitchy as I do now-a-days right before AF…anyone else? I never used to be that way.

9) Our dogs sleep on the bed with us, and an occasional cat, and they take up so much space that we are almost hanging off our king size bed.

10) I am watching Wayne’s World while I am typing this, I loved this movie back in the day! Scary that it was made 17 years ago.

Hope you enjoyed!

Here are the new nominees (sorry if you were previously picked!):

Ashley @ http://mackenziesmama.blogspot.com/
Jennifer @ http://delekatala.blogspot.com/
Angie @ http://angietabaczynski.blogspot.com/
Emma @ http://aksapphire.blogspot.com/
Brenna @ http://therealbean.blogspot.com/
Shannon @ http://mactwins.blogspot.com/
Rachel @ http://themcconathys.blogspot.com/

Nan xo