This post is going to be a bunch of random thoughts. I have so much in my head and not an easy way to get it all out, my head is pretty much unorganized at the moment. Due partly to PMS I suppose, AF is due any day now.
I can't believe our six month angelversary is fast approaching.
I miss my girls, a whole lot, that is obvious. Throughout each day, the delivery part of our story comes to visit my thoughts. I do not know why I cannot get this to stop from entering my mind so much. I want to write it down, I know it will help, but I also know its still too painful to write. In the same breath, I feel more a peace with knowing the girls are in Heaven and playing in the clouds with other angels, with the saying I have heard many times that they were "too beautiful for earth". I recently was also told another saying that felt very comforting, that I should believe that God will return the children he has called away from us someday. I think we are deserving of that, at the least. We are good people, and we will appreciate any blessing that falls into our lives.
I had a shrink appointment last night, she feels I am doing much better, and we talked about TTC again. She stayed mostly neutral about it, but knows that I know the difference now that if we try again, that I will not be replacing the girls, we will be adding to the family. Honestly I have felt like that for quite some time now, it just took a while to talk about it in therapy. With that said, I have made a new blog that I have not yet opened to anyone yet. I will eventually. It's going to be for the next IVF attempt we go on, and my thoughts and feelings on it. I did not think it would be what I wanted to talk about on this site, where I am (mostly) trying to honor our angel girls, but the occassional post (such as this) comes out. So I think I need a separate place for the rants I may have! I will keep everyone posted when I open it if you are interested in following it. I feel like I need to keep alot of this to myself for now.
Our 4th wedding anniversary is coming up on 9-17 and we are trying to do something special for ourselves. We were trying to plan a honeymoon that we never got to take, but we are going to have to postpone it once again. We will still do something special, just not the honeymoon we wanted...definitely in another couple years! I cant believe September is already around the corner, this year has flown by.
Last but certainly not least, I am asking for prayers for my sister in law. She is going to be having brain surgery to remove a non-cancerous tumor that keeps growing. Her surgery is 9/16 and she can use all of the support she can get. I know my angels will protect her and watch over her, as she was there for them the entire delivery and watched over them and took care of them.
Love and light to everyone. Nan xo
3 days ago